BY SOFO ARCHON
The number of people on earth who are miserable is rapidly increasing. However, there are a few exceptional ones who have not yet fallen victims to this modern epidemic, and are living joyfully and at peace, radiating love and happiness. The guide below is aimed at helping those individuals to live a different life — a life filled with greed, hatred, futility, regrets, suffering… in short, a miserable life. If you are one of them, then it will certainly come in handy.
12 Ways to Become the Most
Miserable Person in the World
1. Treat money as the goal
Perhaps the best way to fill your life with misery is to do everything you can in order to acquire a big amount of money, and make this your sole goal in life. Instead of spending your time building healthy, loving relationships with your fellow human beings, and following your passion, doing what you truly love doing, waste your life working day in and day out like a robot in order to increase your bank balance, and, of course, be sure to spend as less of your money as possible, especially in ways that help your fellow human beings, so that you can take it with you in the afterlife!
2. Live according to others’ expectations
Society has a lot of expectations of you, and if you don’t fulfill them, you will be abandoned by those around you — that’s exactly the story that most people have been made to believe since they were children. The result? Most of them are immensely sad and miserable. In order to become like them, make sure to fit into the mold society has provided you with, follow rules, carry orders, and do whatever others like you to do so as to leave them satisfied, while at the same time you make yourself miserable!
3. Hide your true self
Love and joy are derived from intimate relationships with other people. But since you want to become miserable, pretend that you are someone that you actually are not, and always be careful to not take your mask off, lest you reveal your true face to the world, out of fear that people might get to know the true you and run the risk of being judged and hurt by them. I assure you that being a dishonest hypocrite will work wonders to help keep you in misery for much more time than you could ever imagine!
4. Blame everybody else
To become an even more miserable person, don’t take responsibility for your actions. Instead, place all responsibility on the shoulders of others and criticize them continually for their wrongdoings, without ever stopping for a second and think that you are also a flawed person with his or her imperfections. This way, you will never be able to realize your own wrongdoings and hence learn from your mistakes. Thus you will not manage to grow into a wiser person, which is a sure-fire way to live in misery for your entire life!
5. Let others think for you
Why think for yourself when others can do the thinking for you? Thinking is tiring anyway, and who wants to waste time and effort contemplating things like how to overcome life’s problems in order to find peace, happiness and freedom? Don’t tire yourself — just let others do the dirty job for you! That’s why most teachers, priests, journalists and politicians are out there anyway: to think for you. So listen to them, believe in everything they say and never question or doubt what you’ve been told by them. Wear your blindfold and relax, knowing that the light of truth cannot reach your sensitive eyes!
6. Compare yourself to others
Each and every person is a unique individual, but the most miserable people in the world think that they are not enough as they are and are constantly comparing themselves to those around them, feeling inferior to them and trying their best to become like them so as to feel better about themselves. In order to become a highly miserable person yourself, be sure to focus all your attention on how much better others are compared to you, and never make the mistake of loving yourself for who you are.
7. Focus entirely on yourself
Love, peace, and happiness come from giving, from sharing what you have with others. But why give to others if you want to be miserable? Stop giving! Whatever you possess, never share it with others. Keep things to yourself — hoard as much as you can! In addition, don’t try to help others in any way, just be focused on your own personal gain. And, of course, compete with others whenever possible and exploit them as much as you can, using them as a stepping stone to achieve your own success — your success to becoming miserable!
8. Eat crappy food
Your body is the vehicle you are using in this incarnation to experience life. The healthier it is, the more happy and vibrant you will be. On the contrary, the more unhealthy it is, the more sad and miserable you will be. And, since you are interested in becoming miserable, what is the best way to be unhealthy? Eating food that is not rich in nutrients and are causing disease! So feed your physical organism regularly with a variety of processed, non-organic foods and reap the amazing health disadvantages of it!
9. Spend your life indoors
Scientific research has proven the benefits of spending time in nature: just spending a few hours every day in the company of nature can help boost your happiness and overall well-being. But you don’t want this! To be miserable, you have to make sure that you don’t step out of your house for more than just a few minutes. Stay confined within four walls all day long, surfing aimlessly on the internet or mindlessly watching your favorite TV soaps or shows, and soon you’ll feel that you’ve mastered the great art of being miserable!
10. See play as a waste of time
Time is money, and play is meaningless since it doesn’t bring you any money, right? As children, we found utter joy in playing games, having fun, and laughing with our friends doing things we loved doing. But now that you are an adult, seeking to become miserable just like most adults around you are, you should stop behaving like a child. Discard play as a stupid act, be insensitive to humor, wear a serious, long face, and I assure you that your misery levels will be boosted dramatically!
11. Miss the journey for the destination
They say that life is all about the journey and that the destination isn’t that important. Although this is certainly true for those who are seeking to experience life to its fullest, you perhaps should not believe in that saying, if you truly want to become miserable. On the contrary, be sure to think only of your goals, without enjoying the process of achieving them — focus solely on that future end you want to attain and this will for sure prevent you from savoring those beautiful moments that life might bring on your way.
12. Be defined by your negative circumstances
A wise man once claimed that we are the creators of our destiny and that we hold the keys to our happiness. But a miserable man who thought he knew better once shouted: We are victims of our destiny! Why do anything to improve the quality of your life? There’s no reason, just accept it as it is, no matter how much you’re suffering — it’s your karma! Think and behave like a passive, helpless person, and let your negative circumstances define who you are.
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