Here are the 14 core differences between true love and toxic love:
Love: Development of self first priority.
Toxic love: Obsession with relationship.
Love: Room to grow, expand; desire for others to grow.
Toxic love: Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love – may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness.
Love: Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
Toxic love: Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.
love: Encouragement of each other’s expanding; secure in own worth.
Toxic love: Preoccupation with other’s behavior; fear of other changing.
Love: Appropriate Trust (trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)
Toxic love: Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects “supply.”
Love: Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
Toxic love: Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.
Love: Embracing of each other’s individuality.
Toxic love: Trying to change other to own image.
Love: Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.
Toxic love: Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.
Love: Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other’s mood.
Toxic love: Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.
Love: Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
Toxic love: Fusion (being obsessed with each other’s problems and feelings.)
Love: Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.
Toxic love: Pressure around sex due to fear, insecurity & need for immediate gratification.
Love: Ability to enjoy solitude by being alone.
Toxic love: Unable to endure separation; clinging.
Love: Cycle of comfort and contentment.
Toxic love: Cycle of pain and despair.
Love: Conversations based upon intent to Understand, Help, or convey affection.
Toxic love: Conversations based upon intent to blame, defend, or manipulate.
Source: “Healthy vs. Unhealthy Love:,” from lightshifter.com