BY SOFO ARCHON
We expend much of our time and energy judging others. It seems that by judging others we feel a sense of superiority over them which makes us temporarily feel better about ourselves — it boosts our ego. But this feeling is only short-lasting, whereas our judgmental attitude has tremendous negative consequences that we tend to overlook: it separates us people from one another, which in turn creates social conflict and suffering.
If we want to feel united with our fellow human beings again, we need to break our habit of judging them, so that we can start seeing them for who they are, without misconceptions. Below you will find 3 important, heart-opening tips on how to stop being judgmental that will help you to develop a more compassionate attitude towards people and live more at peace with them.
1. Understand where they come from
The basic reason why we judge people is because we don’t truly understand them. And because we don’t understand them, we are quick to call them names.
For example, if a person is acting in a hateful way, we call him or her “evil.” The truth is, however, that there is no person alive who is absolutely good or evil, and by calling them so, we build a wall between us and them that doesn’t allow us to get to truly know who they are. A person who is behaving in a hateful way in reality is nothing but a person with a harsh past — a person who has been through difficulties and undergone traumatic experiences, and who tries to deal with life this way.
By putting yourself in people’s shoes and understanding their story — that is, their background and the conditions they currently live in — you’ll start to develop a non-judgmental attitude towards them that will help you to see them under a new light — you will see them clearly, as they are, without prejudices that distort their true self.
2. Accept them with their flaws
Many times we are judgemental of others because they are not what we expect them to be like or because they don’t fit into the idealized image that we’ve created of them. The reality is that every person on Earth is a unique individual and we need to accept people as they are, without imposing our ideas of how they should be.
We need to embrace others with the totality of our being, and only once we do so, can true compassion arise from within us. Of course, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t criticize the ideas and behavior of people, give them our advice, or help them in any way we can to improve their quality of life. But we need to realize that everyone is facing problems and challenges on their life’s journey, and that to judge them for not living perfectly well is nothing but immature and unkind.
3. Love them without conditions
What do we gain by judging others and being harsh on them? Nothing. Judging doesn’t help anyone in any way. It only helps us build walls around our hearts that prevent us from connecting and building healthy relationships with people.
It’s about time we break those walls and destroy the illusion of separation. It’s about time we embrace one another by showing unconditional love. By judging others, we become separated from them, and only love can help us open our hearts and feel united again.
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