BY SOFO ARCHON
Haters, haters, haters…
Haters are people who hate us for no reason, people who are nasty and mean to us, people who wish bad on us.
Haters can be found everywhere — at home, at school, at work. Every one of us, at some point in our lives, confronts a hater.
The question is: how to deal with haters?
In order to answer this question, we first need to find out what makes a hater a hater.
A hater is a complicated phenomenon that needs to be carefully studied in order to be properly understood. Usually, we believe that haters just lack love and empathy, so we choose to call them ‘evil’ or ‘bad’, thinking that they have nothing better to do than creating trouble for other people. This is an oversimplified interpretation, however, that does not allow us to understand the true nature of a hater.
The first thing to be known about haters is that they actually aren’t evil, and that, no matter how unjustified their behavior might be, they have their reasons for acting the way they do.
People who are constantly expressing hatred have not found love and meaning in their life. They have been through tremendous difficulties with past relationships and have been traumatized emotionally. And, as a defense mechanism, they’ve chosen to hate and be hard on others. This way, they’re trying to protect themselves from any possible threat that might come toward them from another human being, and avoid undergoing painful experiences similar to those they had in the past.
The second thing to know about haters is that they behave in a hateful way because they continuously desire other’s attention.
Haters experience an inner emptiness, living sad and miserable lives, and they try to fulfill it with the attention of others. By behaving in a hateful manner, they are attracting people’s eyes on them, and this is boosting their ego. And the more attention you give them, the more food you give their ego to feed on. Their ego is just like a parasite — and a parasite can survive only at the expense of others. It draws energy from other organisms so that it can live. Independently, it cannot survive for a single moment. In the same way, the ego of haters can exist only by drawing energy from those people they are hateful of, and that energy is attention.
Now back to the important question: how to deal with haters?
Usually people who have to deal with haters mistakenly think that they can do so effectively by calling them names, insulting them, or even fighting against them. Not surprisingly, they only achieve to make things worse. The way they react is just like pouring oil in a fire with the intention of calming it, or like drinking salted water to quench their thirst. When we fight haters, we are giving them just what they were looking for in the first place—attention—and thus the cycle of hatred doesn’t come to an end.
What I have found is that all that haters really need is an emotional hug. When dealing with haters, you should not go against them, be angry at them, and look for opportunities to revenge them. There is no need to fight, argue, or prove anything–except perhaps if you’re being seriously threatened by them. In most cases, all that is needed from you is to show good intentions towards them and create as much positive space as possible that will allow them to feel secure and calm. In this way, it is possible to help transform their hatred into love, their envy into friendliness, their negativity into positivity.
We are all seeking love, but in the course of our lives some of us get stuck in hatred. Haters need love as much as the rest of us do, so we should keep in mind to not create further obstacles on their way to what they deep down long for. If we practice otherwise, we are bound to fall into the same trap of hatred.
Photo by MyBurningEyes
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