BY SOFO ARCHON
All around the world, the mass media is regularly displaying beautiful images of shiny married couples who are celebrating their love relationship. Marriage is portrayed as one of the most beautiful things one can have, and which can guarantee one happiness, love, and success.
What the mass media shows is to a great extend a reflection of society’s collective mind. From the moment we are born, society is constantly brainwashing us into believing that marriage is one of the main goals in life, as if not marrying means failing in living well. Thus, it’s not surprising that many teenagers and especially adults dream of getting married one day soon, believing that nothing in life matters more than marriage. When they eventually manage to get married, however, they usually realize that marriage is far from the way to love, happiness, or success. In fact, they find out that marriage is hindering them from achieving any of those. No wonder the rate of divorce in modern, developed countries is pretty high, in some reaching even up to 71%.
I’m now approaching my 29th birthday, and I see around me that most people of my age or so are getting married. Many of my childhood friends have married already, and in a couple weeks a dear cousin of mine is going to get married, and, although I wish him the best in love and life, I can’t help but feel sorry for his decision to marry, knowing that marriage is not of any importance to keeping a love relationship healthy, and that it can actually harm it more than nurture it.
But what is so bad about getting married, you might ask. What are the exact reasons I am against marriage? Well, here I would like to present you with three strong, compelling reasons to never get married, which might help you to avoid falling into the marriage trap and assist you in your search to finding true love:
1. Your partner doesn’t belong to you
Many couples who aren’t married feel insecure about the future of their relationship. The uncertainty of tomorrow appears scary in their eyes, because who knows for how long they will be together? They might split up at any moment, and this fills their psyche with fears, worries, and concerns. In their desperate efforts to prevent this from happening, they quickly jump to the decision that marriage is the solution to sustaining a loving, long-lasting relationship. Instead of bonding with one another with the solid ties of love, they seek to bond with one another with the fragile, artificial ties of marriage.
Through marriage, partners try to reduce each other into an object of their possession. Married couples are under the impression that their partner belongs to them and will never abandon them, and this provides them with a false sense of security. But when you think of your partner as your possession, how can there be a genuine loving relationship between you and him or her? It’s impossible, for love requires freedom and individuality.
Marriage is a couple’s effort to force love, but love can never be forced. When forced, love starves and eventually dies.
2. Promising future love is foolish
In addition, marriage is, in a sense, a promise. Through the act of marriage, two partners promise to each other that they will love and be there for one another for as long us they are alive, which is an utterly immature and irresponsible thing for one to do, considering the unpredictability of the future.
There have been couples who have loved one another till the very moment they died, but, realistically, this doesn’t happen often. And, most importantly, no one can know beforehand in what direction a relationship is going to turn out. In the future, love might be there or might not. Who knows what the future holds?
Relationships can break as easily as they can start, but people foolishly deceive themselves by claiming that their love for one another will last forever. Of course, they don’t do it on purpose — it happens on an unconscious level. Being deep in love, they truly and firmly believe that their love will never fade. But no matter how much they believe in it, this doesn’t change the fact that, as people grow, they also change, and inevitably their relationships change as well, which explains much of why love and compatibility between two partners is usually not long-lasting.
3. A ring and a piece of paper don’t define a relationship
There are couples who feel that a wedding is the ultimate expression of love, an act that demonstrates and confirms the existence of love between them. They feel that their relationship is not complete until they get married to one another. In fact, they believe that exchanging rings and signing a piece of paper are what will guarantee success in their relationship.
But how superfluous is this? How can a relationship work just because a wedding ceremony took place? If love is lacking, there’s nothing that can guarantee success in a relationship. And if love is there, nothing else is needed to support it — love can stand on its own feet, without needing the crutches of marriage.
When two partners already feel united, putting a ring on has no meaning and importance whatsoever, and when two partners don’t feel united, to try to legally force themselves into a lifelong coexisting relationship can only be limiting, and inevitably result in emotional pain, interpersonal conflict and myriads of other problems.
Love is a free, happy and vibrant bird, so if you want it to remain this way, don’t make the mistake of forcing it into the cage of marriage.
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